“What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can’t decipher.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk
Do you keep finding yourself in the same undesired scenario or behavior? Do you feel the universe is conspiring against you? What is really happening is you are attracting it because you are radiating that same energy. Traumas, limiting beliefs, negative thought patterns, and more create these cycles and we find ourselves living a life that is not fulfilling. However, the patterns are trying to tell you something and once you heal the underlying cause, you begin to radiate a different energy and therefore attract different scenarios. Ultimately breaking the pattern.
Many clients have sat in my office struggling with the reason behind undesirable patterns. Some say they obviously have no will power, feel they are just meant to struggle in life, or suspect a higher power enjoys watching them struggle. There is a saying “you can’t see the forest beyond the trees” which means you cannot see the bigger picture and how you got here when you are in it. This is why coming to a therapist is helpful because we are looking in from the outside and can help you draw those connections.
There have been numerous times I have seen the look of surprise, shock, and awe on someone’s face when I connect the dots between a childhood situation, whether a one-time traumatic event or a recurring event, and their current struggle. This helps us both understand the intentions of healing as we work with the tools I offer and a sense of relief and discovered control for the client.
Let’s take for example, a woman feels compelled to intervene when a partner is struggling with another person accepting an apology for poor behavior. She reaches out to the other person to convince them to forgive only to be frustrated when that person is still not ready. Why does she do this? She does this often in other situations and is known as a people pleaser and fixer. She grew up in a household where her parents fought a lot, there was unpredictable mood swings and anger, and siblings who were younger than her. She always wanted to have peace in the home and for everyone to be ok and happy. Now she does this compulsively for everyone in her life as an adult.
Taking on responsibility for other peoples’ emotions, happiness, comfort, decisions, and so on is exhausting. It can cause anxiety, overwhelm, depression, control issues, and more which then radiates into other areas of life. The key is to heal the trauma in childhood and recognize truly in mind and body that the person is free and the only responsibility they have is their own emotions, perceptions, and behavior. Allowing others to experience life the way they are meant and being there as support and provide guidance is a healthier way flow in life and the pattern is broken.
Some other examples of negative patterns:
You constantly…
…struggle with your weight
…have challenges making and/or holding onto money
…meet toxic partners
…find yourself having the same issues and arguments with your partner
…have the same conflicts with your family/friends
…struggle with a bad habit (e.g. drinking, smoking, overeating)
…set goals and do not follow through
…face the same struggles with your child/children
You…
…end up in relationships where you are expected to compromise, find your way into a new relationship where your new partner expects you to compromise
…unfortunately had your house burn down, only to experience yet another house fire
…were cheated on, and experience being cheated on again, again, and again
…were rejected, and experience being rejected again
…keep finding yourself in situations where you don’t belong and aren’t compatible, making a choice for a new situation only to find out that you don’t belong and are not compatible again.
… lost someone you love, and experience losing someone you love again
…have PTSD because of a certain experience, and end up in a similar experience again
…had parents and/or past partners who did not acknowledge your emotions, only to find your way into a relationship where your emotions are not acknowledged again
…were really sick, recovered, and only get really sick again
Make a list of the undesirable patterns in your life and sit with it. For each item, think about the emotions you have and the words you use. Where have you heard this or felt this before in your past? What techniques can you use to perform your own detective work and heal? You have the power to get off the carousel of chaos.
If you find you need help, Mindful InnerChange is here. Submit a request for a free consult today.
Namaste,
Mecca